DIARY PAGES TORN OFF (II)

This morning, I got to work just when a colleague was about to go grab some food. He waved at me to accompany him. And to be honest, I was a bit famished. Trekking from my home to my place of work as managed to sap the remaining energy I had. So I asked him if he'd get something for me which he agreed but with a clause: Everything must not exceed 200naira.
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What an insult!

I'd ask him why, a literally big boy like me, why will I eat food of 200naira? But hunger had tucked a dirty napkin into my pride's mouth. There was no way I'm letting this chance slip pass me. So, I agreed.

Instantly, we crossed the road and strolled into the Mama Put adjacent our workplace. A very busy place especially in the morning, because of its proximity to the developing part of the town, quite a number of workers and farmers frequent the place. It is run by an elderly woman and her extremely gorgeous daughter.

As we got ourselves a seat, I noticed my friend's uneasiness. He was oddly silent and visibly unnerved. I asked what was wrong of which he only shaked his head in negative. Although I noticed that all this time, his eyes was fixed on the girl. Watching her every move. He was enthralled, I was sure.

Then, as if slapped out of his reverie, he resumed composure and asked if I had placed an order yet. Knowing what was happening, and comtemplating how this could be turn in my favour, I returned that I didn't know what to order, with a tinge of perplexity in my voice.

"Just order, my friend," he said.

"How much na?"

"Order", he said a bit louder, enough to be heard by the lady, "I will pay for it."

Oh, that's cool, I thought.

I called out. "Hanti, ejo se eni Fufu?"

She replied in the affirmative.

"Okay, give me five wraps of Fufu. Sebi it's still 50naira per one?"

Again, she said yes.

"Oda be. Give me ewedu, please, and add a little egusi and vegetable. Give me 3 pieces of meat — or wait!" I turned to my friend who seemed to have slipped back into his reverie, "Is 3 pieces of meat okay or should I buy more?" And since he was too preoccupied to give a response, I read his silence as "Oh, buy as many as you want."

So, again, I turned to the waiter, "Please make the meat 4 pieces. And add one bottle of Pepsi, thank you." I exhaled. It shall be well, I said to myself.

Few seconds later, I was already digging into my meal, wolfing it down with the appetite of a starved hyena, unconcerned about my colleague and his food or his love life. After all, it is the Yoruba that use to say, "If fire catches you and your child, it is yours that you'll put out first." Something along that line, I think.

When I finished the food, I turned to ask my friend if I could order another plate, explaining to him that the food didn't even reach anywhere inside of me. He nodded as he continued nibbling at his food and simutaenously ogling at the lady.

Twenty minutes later, or what seemed like it, we were done with eating, and it was time to settle the bill. As aforementioned, the bill was on my friend, so, he asked for it with a smile, from the lady. Perhaps he had thought this was his time to prove himself worthy or something. Whatever he was there to prove!

Well, I was calm, knowing what to expect.  The bill was given and my friend choked on his Pepsi drink he was drinking.

"Whaaaaat? 1530 naira ke — How come, please?"

The lady, in a very pleasant voice, explained, "Your friend's first and second plates cost 1220 naira and yours, 310naira."

As this revelation was told, my friend darted multiple icy glances, that would doubtlessly have frozen up the Titanic and those onboard, and preserved them for the next century, at the side of my face.

I didn't say a thing. What am I supposed to say? "I send am message ni?"

The minutes that ensued, nothing was heard from both of us, and as the silence was becoming unbearable for me, I stood up and went out.

Few minutes later, my friend came out and he clapped his hands as if to say "Well done" he walked towards the road. But what do I care?

"Are we ready to go to work now?" I asked, with a straight face, as he walked past me. That was pure, undiluted evil. I didn't even ask him how he settled the bill.
Well, I knew just how to placate his broken-hearted ass. I just have to make certain I procure that lady's phone number for him. But in the meantime, I will have to endure his animosity.

And as expected, he said nothing. He only looked at me, frowned, and he walked away.

Written by AbdulHakeem.