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DIARY PAGES TORN OFF (IV)

I had one of my favourite stupid moments some years ago with my cousins. It was that fine morning you woke up to realise only the three of you had the entire 4 bedroom apartment to yourselves. No school, it was vacation. The parents had travelled to your hometown for an occasion. So, you were practically free!

No one to force you to take your bath, or brush your teeth or chide you for licking and swallowing toothpaste or yell at you for changing the TV channels from boring NTA to OGTV where there is a cartoon show or — you've caught the drift, right? Good.

We had no problems. At least not for a while. It took us nearly 2 hours to concede with ourselves that we're hungry, and another 30 minutes to argue who'd cook before it became crystal clear none of us crooks knew how to cook. 😑

An hour of experiencing the full wrath of hunger, putting its hands on us individually, an emergency meeting was called by the Eldest. We brainstormed what we could cook strictly based on the food items at home. We had rice, beans (which is a no no), semo (no soup), Yam (but no eggs — wait, seriously no eggs? NO! I personally voted that out), palm oil, seasonings and water. 😝

Las las, we decided on the sacred, most revered Jollof rice. We chose Sir Jollof because (1.) It is the sweetheart of many including the three musketeers in the room and (2.) we "thought" it is easier to cook as (3.) any idiot with a (4.) peanut-sized brain can cook (5.) jollof rice.

5 good reasons is enough for anyone to try something new, ain't it?

In the space of 5 minutes, we were set but without the slightest idea of what the next step should be.

Before we proceed, those of you that were born after the advent of Internet and Smartphones, yall don't know what the Lord has done in your lives. If we had a chance to access Google to check for recipe, perhaps this won't be titled a stupid moment.

Okay, we figured out boiling rice should be next and we immediately added 'Maggi" and other condiment.

While the food was simmering, we celebrated our successful attempt with yells, war cries and glasses of "iced water", basically adding water to small pieces of ice blocks. 😒

Though we never really left the kitchen. We took turns checking, making sure our One Million dollar plan wouldn't go to ruins. It was exhausting and somewhat exciting, too. 😂

Twenty minutes into the making, all positive energy and excitement we had began to ebb away as we noticed the Jollof rice we were making wasn't ready to be a Jollof rice anytime soon. It was still as white as a Vampire.
Now that's weird.
What could we have missed?

Sigh.

Just then, one of the brothers came to the rescue and suggested it must be the insufficient quantity of Palm Oil in the food. Of course, how could we have forgotten that vital part. Well, thanks to the genius who reminded us it must be Palm Oil that effects the red colouring in Jollof rice.

So, we continued adding Oil till we eventually ran out of it, and the Jollof rice that wasn't a jollof rice was found swimming and drowning visibly below the thick layer of Palm Oil. 😂😂

Few minutes later, we ran out of kerosene. Chaai!

I didn't even cry. My eyes only became a stream of tears. But guess what?!
Don't say what, I thought I asked you to guess. 😏
Well, we ate the food like that, las las. Amidst the tears and all.

Written by AbdulHakeem.

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